Category Archive: Jokes and stories

According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem in Palestine.
A country where people are named Mohammed, Abdul, Mounir, Aziz, Ahmed,
Farid, Omar, Youssouf, Mouloud, etc.

And yet he managed to find 12 friends called John, Peter, Paul, Phillip,
Mark, Thomas, Luke, Matthew, Andrew and Simon . . . who all drank wine.

Now that’s what I call a bloody miracle!

Advice to those visiting Africa.

If you go walking in the bush you may startle a lion and it might lash out. To avoid this, sew small brass bells onto your clothing to warn of your approach. As a further precaution carry a can of pepper spray.

It is also recommended that you can distinguish lion cub dung, as the cubs cannot run away and the lioness may react aggressively. Cub dung comes in small balls, often containing berries and smelling faintly fruity. Adult dung is the large balls containing small brass bells and smelling strongly of pepper.

A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy a carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6”.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replied, “They had avocados.”

(YES, YES, GO AHEAD – READ IT AGAIN you missed reading ‘if’)

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Think about this if you hate your job.  J&J may have positions available.

click to enlarge

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.
It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday.
On that special day, they’d each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.
So when Paddy’s 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat …and nearly drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.
Furious and confused, Paddy went to see his grandmother .
“Grandma,” he asked, “Tis me 18th birthday, so why can’t I walk across the lake like me father, his father and his father before him?”
Granny looked deeply into Paddy’s, troubled blue eyes and said,
“Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya idiot !

A YouTube video.  Guy finds his house plumbed with beer.

HERE